Be Enough

This is a hard one for me, you?
I spend so much of my time looking backward or forward that I rarely let today be the guide to my life.  Today is almost something that I just have to "do" in order to get past yesterday and move on to tomorrow.  Many people would say this is a defeating way to live, and I get that.  I know it is not helping me navigate my  current existence, and that is where I need to reside.

I believe that God exists in our past, present, and future ... but He resides in today.  His softly spoken words of guidance are right here, in this moment.  His strength and grace are here ready and waiting for us.  If we only tune into this moment and this place, we will feel Him.

In circumstances, we are sometimes asked to wait.  God cannot deliver everything in our timing, because sadly ours is not the timing that is perfect.  He knows, and He is with us.  In this season of waiting to recover from losing my mom, waiting to be a mother, waiting to see the light at the end of this dreary and dark tunnel I sometimes look up to Him and cry "Enough!!" What I am learning through this process is He hears me.  He knows I am broken.  He knew all along this season was coming for me, and He tried to prepare me when I would let Him.  He now tries to hold me much like a mother holding a child having a full blown tantrum (think candy isle at Target), and while I kick, scream, bite, and weep. He softy says to me in this day, "Just wait."  He will turn it around, and I will be whole again someday.  But He is asking me to live in this moment, and let whatever I can do in this day be enough for me, because it is always enough for Him.



The new Mumford and Sons album is so rocking my world right now, I find such depth in their lyrics.  The lyrics below are from their new single I Will Wait.

"So break my step, And relent-- You forgave and I won't forget, know what we've seen And him with less, Now in some way shake the excess.But I will wait, I will wait for you, and I will wait, I will wait for you So I'll be bold, as well as strong-- And use my head alongside my heart So take my flesh, and fix my eyes-- that tethered mind free from the lies But I'll kneel down, wait for now, I'll kneel down know my ground And I will wait, I will wait for you."

The Little Things ...

My life is currently wrapped tightly in a mess of confusion, anguish, pain, and misunderstanding.  I am living in a world that I simply do not understand, that makes no sense to me or anyone I explain it to.

I am seeing every single day that the little things that occurred in my past were the big things, or as my dad says, "These are the 'good old days.'"

In the midst of unfathomable pain, it is the hardest to find those little things to enjoy.  Instead, we focus on the big giant mountains looming around us thinking that is what deserves our attention.  I am learning that what demands attention in my life is less than important, it is the things that are quiet and still that deserve me.
God is always quiet and still, waiting for us to seek, listen, hear, and engage.  He will likely never stand before us demanding our time, instead He will wait for us patiently.  Even in the darkest moments of our personal stories, He is there.

I am the one not noticing, not listening-- because these mountains are so dominant.

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.  So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.  Let the oceans roar and foam.  Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge.  Psalm 46:1-3